Sometimes we forget that male and female are both shaped, designed, and defined by God.
God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27 WEB
God is spirit, and although we know Him primarily by his revealed identity through Jesus as father, the bible uses both masculine and feminine descriptions to help us understand the full nature of God.
“I have been silent a long time. I have been quiet and restrained myself. Now I will cry out like a travailing woman. I will both gasp and pant.
Isaiah 42:14 (WEB)
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yes, these may forget, yet I will not forget you!
Isaiah 49:15 (WEB)
As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted in Jerusalem.”
Isaiah 66:13 (WEB)
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, that kills the prophets, and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, like a hen gathers her own brood under her wings, and you refused!
Luke 13:34 (WEB)
“He prefers to manifest his own nature to us through masculine titles, and sometimes in feminine metaphors.” DesiringGod.org
God is enough
What I’m driving at here is the idea that God is a fully functioning super parent.
Even if you had no one else, God is enough.
In God, you have strength and discipline, vision and direction, and you also have care and gentleness, nurture and comfort.
God is enough.
In him is the blueprint for everything good; all life and light and love comes from Him.
He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness.
seeing that his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and virtue;
2 Peter 1:3 (WEB)
When I got married, I didn’t have a good blueprint for marriage. My parents divorced when I was young, so I only had experience with the patterns of a broken home and dysfunctional relational dynamics.
But I thank God that with faith as the anchor and supported by a healthy Christian community, I’ve been able to navigate being married.
I had to figure out, “What does it mean to live out the roles of husband and wife?
What does that look like in healthy ways that honor each other, and build each other up?”
No one is perfect, so growing up, you probably didn’t have perfect parents or perfect models of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Every family is different, and when a husband and wife come together to form a new family, they need to agree and decide:
- What does healthy conflict resolution and confrontation look like?
- What are healthy relational dynamics?
- How do you address and dealing with stuff?
- How do you create healthy intimacy?
- What does healthy love look like? Companionship? Partnership?
Pick your battles.
Thankfully, God has all of that in Him, and in a healthy community, you are able to discover and explore the varied expressions of God’s design, based on what other people have received as revelations from Him, but also hearing God for yourselves.
There are so many nuggets of good advice that you can pick from just hanging out and doing life with other couples, family units and single people that you can learn from.
I remember one of the best pieces of advice I received during our engagement was this: Pick your battles.
Simple. Not easy. But critically important.
When you know that you need to pick your battles, you can decide early in your marriage what’s important, and where to draw the lines.
And if it’s important to you, you do something about it. That principle alone has shaped how I approached marriage and how our relationship has grown over the years, because I realized early that not everything is worth fighting over.
Keeping in mind the goal of oneness and unity gives you something to work towards, something to hold on to.
God is the perfect parent
Everything we need is in Christ.
That includes the mothering, nurturing, comforting, healing heart of God; as well as the commanding, authoritative, visionary, disciplinary Father heart of God.
God is the perfect parent. While humans, are limited He can be both mother and father.
If you are a single parent or come from a single parent home, remember this: God, the super-parent, can fill in the gaps.